PARODY OF CALLERS TYPICAL OF MANY CALLING LAURA SCHLESSINGER * (*NOT AFFILIATED WITH LAURA SCHLESSINGER) | |||||||||||||||||||
| Role Reversal Tests Going the Other Way (What if Mr. Wilson Did What Mrs. Wilson Did? Inspired by the Site Creator'a Impression of the Origiinal Radio Show | |||||||||||||||||||
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Not assoc'd with Laura Schlessinger. Parody particularly of the seemingly very many female callers tending to pot-shot complain about mens' shortcomings. *Refers to L.S. as public speaker, particularly as responder to persons parodied. Construe no basis presented (none is intended) for infering anything whatsoever about the nature, in any way, of Laura Schlessinger (the person). affiliates linked/scroll bottom SITE CLASSIC When Lindsay Wagner said "his Ford F-150 'is bigger... (pause,) longer... (pause,) it's got a huge engine,'" (8/6/96--ABC Nightine) wasn't that like a man saying a certain doughnut has a tighter hole? (see L-1) "L"-(Numbered Legal Notes); "SN"-(Sociobiologically- Related Notes); "PN"-(Personal Notes) Affiliated Sites Linked At Bottom, Below the Large King Tut. Additions At Top From This Point---- When a woman smokes during pregnancy (common in the West, an absurdity in Asia), isnt't that like a guy holding his scrot against a (radiation-)leaky microwave oven for the vibration? Where a woman's hygiene-obsessive-compulsive, but has herpes, isn't that like a guy saying "I'll book a cruise on any just-launched ship ('2 year-olds may harbor legionnaire's disease'), but noone's to know my nurse is caring for my tuberculosis." When a woman says a guy shouldn't enjoy chocolate--it's something women mainly enjoy, isn't that like a guy telling a woman "here's the dessert menu, but you may not order the apple or blueberry pie." When a woman can't listen, isn't that like a guy saying I've had bestowed on me a license to judge; so, I must be omniscient, listening being unnecessary. Where a woman assumes others will enjoy her tastes, isn't that like a guy saying I've had bestowed on me a license to judge; so, I must be omniscient, tolerating others' tastes being unnecessary. When a woman actually advocates self-denial of "choice," isn't that like Colin Powell deciding he'll take a step back in era and imitate our new icon at Mt. Rushmore, Sitting Bull, by donning a stack of bars on his chest, emulating Sitting Bull's headress feathers? When one housewife calls another with daily complaints about her husband, but always while the latter housewife's family is having dinner, isn't that like a guy reading complaints about his wife on a P.A. system in a theatre showing "The World is Not Enough?" When an older woman readily deems any information previously unkown to her as wrong, if not crazy, isn't that like a guy saying, "This has nothing to do with being non-conformist or disillusion-proof. I've held a life-long license to judge, which means I'm omniscient; therefore, I am also infallible." (also see associate "Conformists Classified," linked below) When an older woman (hard of hearing, and obvious when speaking) routinely calls straight guys gay, to friends and her self-worthless husband with failing heart, and she has a daughter plainly known to be a lesbian, though heterosexually married, and her daughters, in turn, are reportedly frigid and her son is part obnoxious bully, part petty ego-dork, isn't that like Jeffrey Dahmer telling his wife and friends that acquaintance Jill eats too much red meat? Where a woman alternately WANTS her career and says "I pursue this even though my husband says I earn less than it costs to hire a nanny/housekeeper," and DOESN'T WANT her job and says "I couldn't work cause my husband says I earn less than it costs to hire a nanny/housekeeper," isn't that like the husband inventing a twist on the Peter Paul (TM) Mounds (TM) and Almond Joy (TM) slogan: "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you look like one?" Where a waitress teaches her daughter to make straight men afraid of being wrongly ferreted out as gay and enjoys spitting on offensive male customers' dishes, but not on women's, and also enjoys slowing down when in front of obviously harried businessmen in heavy traffic, isn't that like a guy being Ted Bundy? When a woman says she needs something but knows not what, except she knows that her husband doesn't provide it, and she only finds solace speaking with her women friends, isn't that like a guy saying "I very unsatisfied about something. I don't understand what. I need my mommy and daddy. And, I need a man." When single and married women round-robin comparisons and judgement-making about each other husbands' satisfying of each other needs, plainly in front of a whole gaggle of men, isn't that like the men saying to each other, "You should definitely dump Trixy. If she's not cooking fat-free, whole wheat pasta, she's not interested in meeting your needs. Maybe she WANTS you to die." "Yeah, and if she told you she's never heard of the 'Chinese Box,' she can't be meeting your needs; and just think, she's too self-centered to learn and master chess even though you were on your high school chess team 20 years ago!" (SN-4) When a woman only buys and cooks what she likes, for the family, but simultaneously intimates it's feminine for men to cook, isn't that like a guy saying, "Eat this roquefort or you're a lesbian!" When a plainly savvy woman, even a holder of a Harvard MBA, insists on playing a primary financial decision-making role, but when asked by her husband why she's particularly and variously religious (open to different degrees and styles of piety) she has no single answer, isn't that like the guy saying "I'm compulsively religious cause of a natural affinity to baby over-production systems, and I'm concomitantly naturally conformist, so we shall be buy-high/sell-low crowd-followers and systematically lose money." When the spokeswoman for the Kansas Board of Education says Creationism will be taught in lieu of evolution in the public schools, because evolution's never been proven, isn't that like a man saying the Earth's age is 6,004 years (Bishop Usher), cause it's never been proven to be older? When the spokeswoman for the Kansas Board of Education says Creationism will be taught in lieu of evolution in the public schools, because evolution's never been proven, isn't that like Archie Bunker (C) saying Edith (C) IS a dingbat cause it's never been proven women can't be dingbats? When a woman encourages in her husband the baffoonery men engage in when afraid of being wrongly ferreted out as gay, isn't that like a husband buying his wife an evil-suggestive clown's outfit and saying "have a nice day being a paranoid, compulsively judgemental, offensive and troublesome fool." When a menopausal woman is influenced by feminists who DO HAPPEN TO hate men, isn't it like a physically declining codger, who's impotent and allergic to Viagra, attending charm and good humor de-programming? for 8/11/99, associates linked below have new research-only associates who found a precise quote for the "classic" above, though likely many variations of a theme were run. When a woman celebrates the clowniest costume in Paris but insinuates a guy's gay for non-uniform dress, isn't it like a man saying, "You will wear the chodor. You exist to revere, serve and service me." Where a woman charges "abuse" when a guy glances but alternately "gay" if he doesn't, isn't that like the guy saying "she's a sex fiend" if she buys a "Playgirl," "but, alternately, surely she's a lesbian if she doesn't?" When Husband heads for a bathroom and Wife says not to here and now (yes, per marriage counselor accounts, some Western women, particularly, do that and progress from there in menopause), isn't that like Husband regularly saying "Don't fart" and carrying a cork? (SN-3) When Leslie Stahl ("60 Minutes") failed to ask Ellen DeGeneris' mother (while interviewing her) about possible ramifications regarding the Xq28 "gene" (homosexuality gene region--only passes maternally (X chromosome)), wasn't it in large part like asking Herv� Villechaize's parents about how he may have been born extra short? (SN-3) When a famous woman confronts male gays in a public morality sweep, isn't it like President Clinton going to a sorority to castigate "the lesbians among you." Where a young woman never makes eye contact with males, isn't that like a guy walking around with the following stamped on his forehead: "My father hated women. My sister's a sexually confused reject." When husband and wife compare each other's non-together recreation expenses and the wife counts the tennis tournaments, coaching, leagues, food for friends, etc., bragging in fact about values and savings achieved here and there, but not caring one iota about gasoline, isn't that like her saying, " How dare you count my expenses in never-never land. Damn! You're beginning to sound like my old man!" (PN-1) During those times when a wife cannot cook but also intimates that a man is feminine if he can cook, isn't that like a husband saying to his wife, when they have a flat tire exactly midway between San Antonio and El Paso, "I'm afraid changing the tire conflicts with other needs of mine, at the moment, and if you change it, I think that would make you less of a woman." (P-2) A female pop singer recently scored some success with a song about how a guy didn't manipulate her in a stimulating way. Would'nt it have been the same if Frank Sinatra sang, "Youuu...didnt'...suck my dick....Youuuu...didn't...suck my dick. If a woman asks a guy if he's coloring his hair (where it's been bleached by sun & surf (salt water) and chlorine from swimming in a pool, isn't that like the guy asking her, "I'm not sure, are you shaving your mustache? (SN-1) If a woman says she can judge men at first sight, isn't that like a male employer posting a sign "Resumes Unnecessary from Women--Please Just Enter for a Second" (SN-2) If a woman gives a Playboy (L-2) gift subscription to a guy, isn't that like the guy giving her a dildo? Dr. Laura, where I work if a man glances at a wo man he runs the risk of being accused of sexual abuse. If he doesn't, he runs the risk of their wrongly ferreting him out as gay. Dr. Laura, if my father and I played the who's gay? game the same way my pal's mother and sister play that game, wouldn't that send weird messages to my sister? Site creator's note: This hypothetical really can only happen in virtual space (see SN-3). PN-1 If you love each other and want to make each other happy, you won't balance dollars; and, you won't be piggish. PN-2 My wife and I happily share cooking, sometimes together. Driving through the solitude of this stretch of Texas is one of the most romantic things of all. L-1 words put in Lindsay Wagner's mouth by Ford Motor Co.'s (TM) advertising agents L-2 Playboy is a trademark of Playboy Enterprises, Inc. Spoof reflects one possible use of said publication by readers/users believed to exist by site-creator, who acknowledges much, varied forms of content lending itself to multiple uses. Buy one today! SN-1 Think the U.S. heartland is comparatively religion-influenced (context of limitations, "arbitrary perversions," etc., see Making STRAIGHT Men Afraid of Being Wrongly Ferreted Out as Gay, linked below). Bob Dole colors his hair, it would seem. What a cool dude. SN-2 Are some female employers doing that (in fact)? See (linked below) Making STRAIGHT Men Afraid of Being Wrongly Ferreted Out as Gay as to license to make afraid, license to judge (otherwise called "6th Sense" or women's intuition), sub-license to scapegoat, etc. (Lic. to judge in potentially infinite ways: socially, religiously, humor-guage, psychologically, intellectually, etc.) SN-3 For verbatim "NY Times" current-status genetics & psychiatry of homosexuality causation, the apparent CAUSATION of homosexuality with an important lesbian plurality (by a yet-to-be settled multiplicative formula)by Western religion, see (linked below) Making STRAIGHT Men Afraid of Being Wrongly Ferreted Out as Gay; also, there, see contrary study at U. West Ont. and N.I. H. researcher's response (also utilizing verbatim "NY Times" coverage). Note, additionally, N.I.H. evidence has actually been corroborated by additional leading research institutions (compiling). SN-4 Compulsive, open judgementalism, preposterously open self-centered rhetoric, double-standards/logical extreme in hypocrisy, low-worth of males, eagerness to get selves/each other divorced, and the like may be tied to self-avowing very late self-aware lesbians being suddenly far more common (and professionally intervened on) than most people know. Is the Xq28 gene region at a population threshold ("X" female-linked.) Is there more going on than simply a license to make men afraid/sublicense to judge? SN-5 Paranoia is Greek for "omniscience." Clinically, imagine the senile paranoid in a health club assuming he could not have forgotten his white towel and thus, upon his seeking yours, accusing you of taking his. In ancient Western religion, it was possibly an ernest basis of power, though worked to uphold despotism through its effect; and, sociobiologically, it may have served to increase population (making straight men afraid of being wrongly ferreted out as gay); of course, the two purposes, intended or otherwise, are interrelated. Message to Married's: 1) Remember neither of you is perfect. 2) Remember you gave each other your lives. 3) Remember you'll both make expensive mistakes--repeatedly. SELF-RESPECT IS HAPPINESS COMPASSION INCORPORATES SELF-ASSURANCE | ||||||||||||||||||
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 (Don't let anyone make you out as a monkey. Don't get turned into a pig. --King Tutankhaman suffered no "arbitrary perversions." 
THE AFFILIATION------ Based On: Prof. E.O. Wilson, Professor of Biology, Harvard University, proposed: "menstruation and menopause served to maximize gene propagtion by sending males to fertile females." Did making straights afraid of being wrongly ferreted out as gay serve the same population-growing purpose;and, by also encouraging male insecurity/inadequacy did it enable ancient despots to rumble? Is asking just this much, beyond the original theory, "adaptationist"? Were there consequences, particularly genetic, representing a backfiring of results? -----CLICK ON:------ MAKING STRAIGHT GUYS AFRAID OF BEING WRONGLY FERRETED OUT AS GAY------ RELIGION & FAMILY DON'T MIX, 101; PREREQUISITE, MAKING STRAIGHT GUYS AFRAID OF BEING WRONGLY FERRETED OUT AS GAY------ CAR CULTURES DEVOID OF MEANINGFUL (THE U.S. CAR CULTURE)MASS TRANSIT CANNOT SUCCEED, WHAT'S MORE PROSPER------ INVESTING IN A CORRUPT CAR CULTURE THAT ENCOURAGES MASCULINE INSECURITY------ MOST PEOPLE ARE WRONG ABOUT MOST THINGS MOST THE TIME--WHEN LED BY DEMAGOGUERY------ ADS OF DUBIOUS SOCIAL VALUE AND SEEN SOCIOBIOLOGICALLY----- SOCIOBIOLOGY OF THE ASSASSINATION OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE KENNEDYS, MARTIN LUTHER KING, AND OTHERS------ CONFORMISTS CLASSIFIED! WORLD'S FIRST ATTEMPT------ PUBLIC HEALTH AND SOCIOBIOLOGYA> BEING DOGMATIC INDUCES BEING DOCTRINAIRE IN A WORLD LACKING ABSOLUTES------- LAW AND SOCIOBIOLOGY | ||||||||||||||||||
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